Content But Never Satisfied

I’m a restless personality. It’s the best way I know to describe my condition. Most of my life has been spent looking forward to the next best thing, the next great adventure or just dreaming about the possibilities.

My wife often jokes that her vision of marriage (previously) would have been to settle down in one town, get jobs, have children and live there for the rest of our lives. She says she spent the first few years of our marriage on the edge of panic every time I would verbalize the ideas I had rolling around in my head. It’s funny how life changes because the situation is now reversed at times when I find myself listening to her grandiose dreams and ideas.

I say all that to say this: I don’t believe God makes mistakes. He gave me my personality. Without dreamers, risk-takers and adventurers, life could be very mundane and boring. I certainly think there’s a place for “new” in this life. God says to sing a “new song” and that he’s “making all things new”. There’s a lot to be said for effort, creation and striving for excellence as a believer.

However, if I’m not careful, I can easily substitute the gift for the Giver. The anticipation of the next best thing (at times) has become a drug for me. It’s like a shot of adrenaline or a drug-induced high when I’m on the verge of or anticipating something new.

The Bible also talks a lot about being content. If it made contentment the only mark, I think I’d have a crisis of faith. But I believe the idea is more of attaining a balance between living in the now and being mindful of and grateful for what I’ve been given; all-the-while anticipating what He’ll do in my future. I believe that’s called faith. I’ve also found that being diligent with my current portion is not only the responsible thing to do but is often the path leading to new opportunities.

My prayer and desire is that I’d be able to attain some balance between gratitude for the here and now and my hope of a brighter tomorrow. I want to be able to be present for the ones I love but also show them a vision for the future. I hope to be content but never satisfied.

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