Faint and Thirst

My dad is headed in for another surgery tomorrow resulting from a failed knee replacement he’s been battling since June. He’s had staph in his blood, had parts of the replacement replaced, re-replaced and cleaned and developed a 6-inch cavity in his knee that now has to be grafted tomorrow. If the surgery goes well, he’ll face another total knee replacement in 6-8 weeks. If not, well…he faces a more severe course of action.

All of this to say, NONE of it was within his control. If it was, you can be sure he’d wanted a way around it. I think the illusion of control is attractive to us all. It’s not until something like this happens where that very thin veil falls and we’re revealed as we truly are: dependent. I ran across this verse in my morning devotion:

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. Psalms 63:1‭-‬3 ESV

The words thirsts and faints came flying off the page this morning as I’d just gotten off the phone with Dad. They’re words that convey a sense of longing and desperation. You don’t use those words if you’re able to handle everything on your own. It’s the way I feel today and increasingly more every day in my relationship with God. My ultimate confidence is His “power”. My ultimate purpose is for His “glory”.

This seems so deeply spiritual and faith-driven. The truth is I find myself in a position where I’m incapable of anything more. I now understand who I am in relation to Christ – and have found it’s merciful for us to be in His service. We actually do get to walk through these trials knowing we’re not alone. Can you imagine what life would be like if it did all depend on us? I couldn’t bear that weight. Knowing that makes me able to praise Him because he didn’t leave me alone to deal with life’s hardships. So whatever the outcome, “my lips will praise [Him].”

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